Thinking Of You
by gohanSJ3
Summary: ok i'm no good at summaries but let's give this a shot.. Chi-Chi is strolling sown memory lane and finding a few bumps along the way, most of them are about her dearly beloved Goku Son. problems occur! *warning this mention the word sex once (i think it'


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hey pple i just want to make a couple of things clear b-4 we start. First of all this is my very first fic ever, so plz don't eat me plz r/r! Second this may not follow all the time lines of facts of Db/Dbz/Dbgt but hey it's my fic so what ever. ^_^ that's the way i look at it. Finally is the disclaimer: i don't own db/dbz/dbgt in anyway, size shape or form so plz don't sue. Besides i have 10 cents to my name so it would all be pointless in the end.... speaking of end! I used thr song In The End by Linkin Park i don't own that either, I'm just using it 4 this story. That's all the only thing i own in this fic is the writing of it, the characters and the song doesn't belong to me, i repeat they don't belong to me!!! now that we have all that taken care of.... we can get started!! Enjoy!!! - ^_^   
  
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Thinking Of you

***

{One thing I don't know why  
It doesn't even matter how hard you try  
Keep that in mind   
I designed this rhyme to remind myself how  


I tried so hard...}  
  


***  
  


"Why Did you have to go Goku? Weren't you happy here? I don't understand, I spent everyday of my life trying to make you happy, every Dame day, and this is how you repay me, you go and leave me again. It was bad enough when you died the first time, I was left completely alone, I even had my 4 year old son taken away from me for a whole year to be changed into some animal, and when I saw you again you were almost dead. Then it was when you were in the hospital, you let our son go again, to leave me alone. And as soon as you were able to walk again you flew off into space. And you didn't even have the nerve to come back for a year and a half. Then when you got back the very same day, you were warned about evil androids, and like the guy you are took our son away everyday and trained for 3 years. Then you had the nerve to let out baby fight when you promised me you wouldn't and then you died. Leaving me alone again but this time it was for to be for good. The worst part is that you left me even though you knew that I was going to have a baby. I want to ask you something Goku, how is a housewife suppose to support a house and two children? God those were rough times. But my some miracle they let you come back for one day to precipitate in the world tournament, even though you were fighting you were still here alive and with your family again. Then that Magin- Buu came and ruined everything but like you always do you saved the world, not caring about yourself or your actions. You were even wished back to life. 

But you decided to go and train some freak instead of staying home with me, our boys. You came back five years later. And to what... some new members to the family. But Kami did you care. Goku the wedding was so beautiful, Gohan our baby he got married to the wonderful Videl. She's so perfect for him. Then you missed our first grandchild's birth. You weren't there for Gohan and Videl, Goku. You weren't there as usual. Panny was such a beautiful baby but you missed those years, you missed then all you missed everything all because you would rather fight, then be here for your family! Then you finally decided to come home Son Goku, but by some wacky little freak, you got changed into a 10 year old child. I hope your listening were ever the hell you are, cause I would like you to answer this question. How they hell am I suppose to live and sleep with a 10 year old boy. I was old enough to be your freaked grandmother! Then yet again you leave to go off in space with Panny and Trunks you were gone for years. You should have seen Videl's and Gohan's faces, they were heart broken as was I. Then you come back get changed into a man and what do you go and do? You fuse with the stupid dragon so you can keep this world safe. You always said you were doing all this to protect me and our family son- Goku, but all you did was protect us all from happiness." Chi-Chi violently shook the picture frame she was holding. Inside the old wooden frame was a picture of out long decest hero, back in happier days. A tear drop fell onto the smooth glass as chi-chi took another breath.  
  


***  
  


{Despite of the way you were mocking me  
Acting like I was part of your property  
Remembering all the times you fought with me I'm surprised it  
  
Got so far...}  
  


***  
  


"That is all you accomplished, sometimes I wish I never met you Goku. My life you probably be a lot happier right now, I know one thing if I never met you I would have a husband that joined me for dinner every night and told me that he loved me, and he would be here for our children, not running off to some battle, to get his kicks, only to return when he wanted food or pleasure." more tears dripped onto the glass as Chi-Chi layed back on her bed.   
  


"What am I saying Goku, I could be with no one but you, even if you broke me heart so many times. You were my child heart sweetie." Chi-Chi was taking aloud to herself almost expecting to here an answer. "Do you remember when we first kissed Goku? Not that peck on the cheek but our first real kiss? I do, I was so happy when you took me into your strong arms and kissed me so passionately on our wedding night. I would do anything to feel you again, to taste you again, to feel you deep inside me. Oh Goku....."   
  


"You know I envy Bulma, she has her man everyday, even if it is Vegeta, she loves him and he loves her even if he doesn't show it. They have a perfect family, a loving mother, a darling little girl, a handsome strong willed boy and a father that cares for them all enough to stay with them year after year after year. I wish I had that, for our kids, I wish Goten knew his father and I wish Gohan had you, he looks up to you so much Goku. He is so much like you. Well there are a few difference." Chi-Chi slide herself over to his side of the bed, they tears running off her face.  
  


"But I moulded him right, Gohan my wonderful Gohan, I changed him and I'm so glad I did, for Videl's and Pan's sake. You might be wondering what I am talking about and I'll explain. He is a scholar, he provides for his family, he makes money to put food on the table, every night he comes home to a wife and a daughter that he loves. He never hurts anybody like you have, he has manners and he is so loving. But you know some times I see him spar with Vegeta, every once in a while he takes of his glasses and puts down his book and goes to Vegeta's. I'm glad that he is not all like you. That way he will never hurt anybody. I HAT E YOU FOR THAT SON GOKU, I HATE YOU FOR ALL THE HURT THAT YOU HAVE PUT UPON THE PEOPLE YOU "LOVE!!!"

***  
  


{Things aren't the way they were before  
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore   
Not that you knew me back then  
But it all comes back to me  
  
In the end...}  


" I tried to be a good wife, I really did, I did everything I could to make your life easier. I even put on a fake smile every time you came back, every time I was bawling inside wishing secretary that you hadn't come back, because i knew in my heart that you would leave me again." Chi-Chi had her hands curled up into fists, her nails carving out little crimson crescent moons. "I'm going to end this Goku." she dropped the picture frame onto his old pillow and stormed out of the room.  
  


***

{I kept every thing inside   
And even though I tried it all fell apart  
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when  
  
I tried so hard and got so far  
But in the end it doesn't even matter  
I had to fall to lose it all  
But in the end it doesn't even matter...}  


***

Chi-chi huffed into the kitchen, and got a mug from the cupboard, she poured some coffee in the mug and sat down at the table and added sugar and some cream. 

"Do you remember the promise you made to me Goku? It was so long ago, but I still hold onto it deeply. You promised to protect me, to love me, to keep me forever happy, and to keep me in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, tell death do us part. You lied Goku, you lied."  
  


***  
  


{I've put my trust in you  
Pushed as far as I can go  
For all this there's only on thing you should know...   
  
I've put my trust in you  
Pushed as far as I can go  
For all this there's only one thing you should know...}  
  
***  
  


Chi-Chi stubbled to the counter she was crying and sobbing. She took the coffee mug that was in her hand and flicked it up against the wall, letting the brown liquid seep down the wall.

"I can't take this anymore, I'm so mad and unhappy, I live by myself, in the house you build me with only memories to keep me company." She looked at the wall on the side of her. " GOKU.... do you see all of these pictures? DO YOU? I'll name some of them, Gohan holding Goten as a baby, My dad smiling, Gohan sneaking out the window, Bulma and Vegeta with baby Trunks, Krillin's family portrait, Gohan's family portrait, Panny's first steps, Goten's first date, Goten first steps, Videl and Gohan on there wedding day, Videl and Gohan going to the prom, Marron, Bra and Pan dressed up for Halloween, And look Goku this is our family portrait the one that was taken last year, we have Me, Goten and Gohan. That is sure a surprise! For god sakes Goku you aren't in one of these pictures not one. NOT ONE!! 25 YEARS WORTH OF PICTURES AND YOU AREN'T IN ONE OF THEM!!!" Chi-Chi opened one of the drawers and pulled out a razor sharp butcher knife.   
  


"I can't live like this anymore, I can't be alone anymore. I just can't."  
  


***

{I tried so hard and got so far  
But in the end it doesn't even matter  
I had to fall to lose it all...}

***

Chi-Chi Held the knife up to her wrist. "Now it is my turn to leave, Good-bye Son Goku may you live forever in the life that you have made for yourself, If and when you came back, i won't be here to greet you.... because in the end..... it doesn't even matter."   
  


with one swift yank Chi-Chi pulled the knifes blade down her wrist cutting open the vein inside. Chi-Chi feel to the floor as the red liquid pumped out of her body. With he last reaming strength she raised her hand and cut her other wrist, suddenly her world went black.  


{But in the end it doesn't even matter.}  
  
THE END~~~@!


End file.
